All I Have

 Is My Experience

  By V. Martin

  So please don’t take it away from me.  I am at the mercy of those who surround me and I didn’t choose any of them yet here we are.  They chose me but not for anything good, destruction comes to mind. They want to destroy me, for whatever fucked up reason or at least keep me from succeeding at anything. It isn’t real hard to do when most of society sides with them, the destructive ones. Nothing like a common enemy to bring people closer together and people love to hate me.  Granted, I hate me too and for a lot longer and better reasons then any of them. It is the best I could do, no other answer came to me at the time.  All I can say is that here I am, alive, living, or just surviving because of the people that surround me. I have ideas, a lot of ideas, some of which others have taken as their own and there is simply nothing I can do except not talk at all.  This is really hard for me because my mind doesn’t stop unless I drug it. Most of my ideas suck but on occasion I hit on something that has potential and hearing it out loud really helps when it comes to refining the details but this I cannot do, a luxury I can’t afford.  

Some people take advantage instead of contribute or share what isn’t even theirs.  I am not greedy and I know I don’t stand a chance without someone on my side yet I found no such person.  Since all I want is to make a difference I have given all my ideas away with the hope they may help especially without me attached.  Yes people hate me so much that they will forgo my helping them and others.  My best bet is to give the idea to some one people will listen to.  FUCK THAT!  

I have so many children that I need to be the example not the exception.  They deserve nothing but the best but all they get is me and my ideas so no longer will I give any of them “away”.  For their sake I must stake claim to what is rightfully mine and my kids.  It may take all my life to make a difference and even then they may not give me credit and I have to be okay with that?  See?  I’m doing it again. 

Recently, I heard on some documentary the baby doll test on chocolate colored kids, back in the 50s or 60s, they were given a white doll and a dark complexion doll and they all chose the white doll.  I wonder what doll foster children would pick?  I know I wouldn’t have picked any if I couldn’t have them all.  Children are very sensitive, especially when they are treated unfairly to the point they will treat themselves with the same priority or the exact opposite give themselves top priority which is exactly where they should be.  If they don’t no one will.